Hey all, this is my first blog ever so i dont really know how to start… Guess i start abit about myself and we see where it goes =)
My name is Daniel (Will be using Dan though) im a 26 year old guy that has a brain that goes on auto shuffle so i might sound wise sometimes or just plain stupid, either way i am still me! I live in Sweden and for some of you that dont know it´s in Europe =P. I have 2 older sisters and a mother and father. A few of my intressts are: Listening to music, melbourne shuffle, playing games sometimes. Being with friends and just living is a must.
In two months i will be going to Japan to study the language, and i suppose i should be much more excited then what i am right now… In the beginning when i first started all this a year ago i saw it as an escape of my life, i was not very happy with my current situation… Maybe if i explain some more? Have tons of things going on in my head so i think some things may sound random but bear with me =)
My life up to winter 2008 wasent really anything special, just a ordinary guy living on. I admit i did play to much computergames because it was my way of getting from reality. My family have been broken in many ways and well, sometimes it just felt as a ship going down. I know everyone did their part to try to keep up the mask of an happy family but anyhoo that winter my girlfriend broke up with me for another guy (Which she didnt have feelings for at first but one month later apperently did, shocked? I think not!) And that´s when i actually were going to take my life, cowards way? Yes it was, but i was to chicken to actually do it. I was depressed and this hit me harder then anything before. I was really depressed, turned to alcohol alot as it made the pain go away, atleast for a while but it still counted. But to get to some kind of end to this post lets just say that i managed to get a grip of life and i have always wanted to go to Japan so why not go on a study trip? Was an impuls decision but i did it. I wanted to go away from the painful memories, leave this sad place behind and prefebly just leave for good… So i thought and here we are at present time when i quote myself: In two months i will be going to Japan to study the language, and i suppose i should be much more excited then what i am right now… Yes why am i not more excited? I have always wanted this so why do i feel incredibly sad about going? I tell you people why: I started to like what i have. I started to hang out with an old childhood friend, i got a new work coullege (mind spelling…) that make me happy, we laugh alot togheter. All my instalment´s have been payed, i am actually having a good economy now. Lots of mixed feelings going around and i cant talk to anyone about it because i dont really have anyone that would understand. Been trying to talk to a few but let´s just say i gave up on that. So i have all this feelings inside of me and now when i am getting closer to the depart i am asking myself: Do i really want this? I will be gone for a year, will my friends still be here, will the girl from work still be here? We have only been talking for like 5 months give or take 1 but she really could make me feel happy when i was down… I am going to Kyoto with a guy i have never met, but talked alot on the phone with. Yeah he feels like a great guy, i think i will have good fun with him over to the east. But a year… 12 months, 365 days, 52 weeks do i really want this? I still dont know and it bugs me like hell. I dont really know how to handle this because it´s like in the lyrics of a really cool song i have been listening to the last couple of days: So fine this day, all your problems have gone away but tommorow, when you wake up, all your problems are back to stay! (If you want i can give you the group and track name ;p) I just feel helpless right now, watching time go as it draws closer to the trip but i dont wanna cancel it either. Dammit i hate this….
Well atleast i feel abit easier now when i got to spill out abit of my thoughts into words, if anyone found this intressting just drop a few comments or something =) I gonna go to bed now i think, got work tommorow and it´s rather late now so take care everyone!
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